Fatherhood is…
tiring
I’ve always heard others say “being a dad is so tiring” or “he looks so tired”. Not that I underestimated the difficulty or hardship of being a dad, but I thought to myself, “how bad can it really be?”
I have never been more wrong. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
The first three months were the worst. The baby needs to wake every two to three hours to have milk and though I’m not the one feeding him, it disturbs sleep nonetheless. And it is worse than getting woken up for patrol duty in the army. Trust me.
Even today, he cries in his sleep every once in awhile because he got woken up abruptly or something spooked him. So me or my wife got to drag our tired bodies and souls up to pacify him.
It’s not just sleep that’s affected either. The physical requirements are surprisingly tough. One handing carrying a baby tires the arm so quickly, it’s no wonder dads get Dads’ strength. I’m building mine so darn well right now. It’s a natural progressive overload.
expensive
Having a baby in Singapore is expensive. There are pregnancy packages for clinics island wide but over the course of 10 months and the additional medication needed, the amount really adds up. Plus, my wife had to get an emergency Cesarean during her delivery and that is more expensive than natural birth. Did I mention weekend hospital fees? Sheesh.
Raising a baby, needless to say, is also costly. The routine checkups, vaccinations, diapers, food, clothing… It’s exactly like having a mini me to keep alive.
sacrificial
I’ve never really thought about the need to sacrifice. I knew the responsibilities but the idea of sacrifice never crossed my mind. Gone are the days where free time (and me time) is plenty. Free time, if the baby is not asleep, is all taken up for additional household chores and accompanying my son. And that means side hustles, hobbies and social time all have to be cast aside, if not reduced to a meager amount.
For me, the concept of sacrifice hit me suddenly but just as suddenly, I was prepared to. It’s not a brag that I’m ever ready, it’s just that I realized that sacrifice, to me, is a joy. Sacrificing for my son no less. Family first never rang truer.
fun
Of course, how can parenting not be fun? The silly things that my son does, the personality he exhibits, observing him eat well, playing rough with him… the list goes on and on. There’s almost never a dull moment with him. Seeing a fresh, new human being come into this world and learn to interact with everything and everyone around him gives me so much joy.
fulfilling
I have never felt that my life had more purpose and meaning. Not to say that my life’s purpose now revolves around my son and family, but to witness such a small life be so reliant on you 100%, trusts you 100%, forgives you 100%, leans on you 100%, I instantly realized that I need to live for him. I have to be the best version of myself for him. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t have a purpose before, I just found an incredibly meaningful one. Never in my life, will one of my words or actions impact another life so deeply and profoundly.
about forgiveness
Will my son make a mistake in future? Yes. Will he make me and my wife want to pull our hair out every now and then? Sure. Will he fall short of our expectations of him in time to come? Maybe, but I hope not.
But after all of that, he is and will always be my son. I never understood how someone can keep turning the other cheek for another until I experienced and adopted the love of being a father. No matter what your children do - sure, they make mistakes and make you so fiery, but they are your kids. They are here because of you. My son is here because we decided to have him. He is precious and no matter what he does, will ever change his identity. Should we condone his mistakes? Nope. Will he receive just deserts for any wrongdoings? Of course. But his identity will never change. And my forgiveness should not change either. It’s all about appropriating forgiveness.
about the Father
Everything I experienced so far is me being a fully involved father. And that, in my dictionary, means I aspire and I strive to be like my Heavenly Father.
My journey thus far into fatherhood has revealed so much about the Father to me. Much more than what I can ever read and glean from the Bible. If I gave grace, He gave even more. If I forgave, He forgave more. If I sacrificed, He sacrificed so, so much more. And if ever I grew tired of loving my son for even a minute or a second, fortunately, Jesus never got tired of loving me.
“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!”
1 John 3:1 (NKJV)
